Mentorship and Teaching: The Responsibility We Carry

Note: I wrote this a few years ago for an em2CONNECT newsletter - I wanted to update it after a recent experience with some wonderful singers.

It is a huge responsibility to take on mentorship—to share opinions, to guide someone gracefully and with humility, and to create mutual trust. And it is especially hard to do when you feel less than yourself or feel vulnerable or insecure.

Recently, I had the privilege of witnessing two singers I work with perform in the finals of the National Capital Opera Society competition in Ottawa. It was a joy to watch them on stage, making their own choices, trusting themselves in the moment. And it was a further joy to celebrate with them afterwards—to be in that moment of excitement and possibility of work, of futures unfolding.

These are the moments that reveal why this work matters. Seeing someone you've worked with trust their own instincts, make bold artistic choices, and then celebrate what comes next—it reminds me of the profound responsibility we carry as mentors and teachers. We're not just sharing technique or repertoire. We're helping to shape how artists see themselves and their potential.

The Problem with Control

I recently came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks:

"…there is no innate human inclination to be controlling. What there is in a 'controlling' personality is deep anxiety…the drive to control is not an innate trait but a coping style."

This made me think about all the teaching that is done from a place of control OF the student and their process.

This teaching likely comes from our own experiences and anxieties—perhaps over the lack of autonomy we had as young artists ourselves. Maybe it's the pressure we feel to produce results, or the fear of our students "failing."

But this kind of mentorship and teaching does not allow self-trust for the student. And at the same time, it does not allow room for the teacher to "fail" in their efforts.

This kind of teaching is exhausting. It ultimately leads to burnout.

The Work of Self-Reflection

Watching those two singers in Ottawa reminded me of something crucial: the goal isn't for them to sing the way I would sing, or to make the choices I would make. The goal is for them to find their own artistic voice and trust it.

That's only possible if I've done my job—if I've guided them with humility, created space for them to explore, and resisted the urge to control their process out of my own anxiety or insecurity.

I'm committed to digging deeper into this question: Where are my own anxieties and vulnerabilities as a mentor and teacher, and how do they show up in my teaching?

It's uncomfortable work. But if we want to serve our students well—if we want to create the kind of mentorship that empowers rather than controls—we have to be willing to look at ourselves honestly.

The work is intense. But it's worth it.